i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
