Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize