the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
