He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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