I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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