so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
