There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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