i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
