I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
