First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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