In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
