just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
