can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
