i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
