I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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