i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
