Where is the hickey?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
