Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My hand turned me down
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
