I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
