You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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