mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
did you just send me my own nude
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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