im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
