i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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