Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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