In the future we'll all be gay
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
