I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
