I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
