apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
