I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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