come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
