Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
