OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
