Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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