smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
