Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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