I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Everything about him screamed your future.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
