I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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