So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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