farters have to be the big spoon...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
