Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
