Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
