I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
