just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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