Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
