the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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