I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
