I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
