Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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