who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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