I hate all girls vehemently.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
