Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
