Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
