Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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