3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
