hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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