Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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