we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
