I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So apparently I’m into choking now
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