i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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