she smelled like a LAN party
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
