i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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