They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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