everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
