Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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