Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dignity is for republicans.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
